Tw: sexual assault, r*pe, major anxiety
Anything can be a trigger...or anyone.
I was streaming today and an old friend came to watch. This old friend was honestly my favorite human and I loved him and I really miss him so much - but I saw his name and panicked.
I saw his name and thought of my rapist's voice and my mood immediately changed.
I saw his name and thought of my rapist's face and almost cried.
I saw his name and thought, oh my God I miss him but I can't let him back into my life because of all the memories he brings up.
My rapist didn't just ruin San Diego for me. He ruined friendships, my already fragile mental health, my self-esteem, and my confidence in who I think I am.
I miss you, my dude (you know who you are). And I really do want to talk to you and converse about life and your cats. I miss so many of our old mutual friends.
I know you won't believe me when I tell you what I went through, so I won't say anything...except that I miss you and I hope you're happy.
Rape affects you so much beyond the initial violation. It affects your mind, your body, your emotional health, your relationships with everyone around you. And I will go on every day hoping to one day forget. I'll never forgive, but I can at least hope to be at peace.
BELIEVE AND RECEIVE..
.. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
... Has God spoken things to your heart that haven't come to pass yet? Sometimes when we are believing for things, it’s easy to become discouraged when it doesn’t happen according to our timetable. But when you make the choice to receive your promise by picturing it in your mind's eye and declaring it with the words of your mouth, your faith becomes stronger. You begin to have joy and peace because you know God is working behind the scenes on your behalf. ...
... What are you believing for God to do in your life? See it in your mind's eye. See yourself healed. See yourself paying off that last debt. Don't just ask with doubt, ask, then believe your prayers are answered.
As you allow God's thoughts to become your thoughts and receive His promises by faith, just like it says in today's verse, whatever you ask for in prayer will be yours!
PRAYER. ... "Heavenly Father, thank You for another day to serve You. Thank You for the gift of faith. I ask that you search my heart and mind and remove anything that does not please you. Give me your thoughts of peace and joy today so that I can learn to receive all you have for me today. In Jesus' Name. Amen." ...
When the bee's nest is disturbed, you might get stung. You might also get honey. Don't let the noise of a few bees [those who deny church hurt] keep you from getting your honey [healing from church hurt]
Go to Amazon (or my website) and get the book that can literally change your life.